it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Randomize
