You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
