with your own penis?
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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