I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
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