dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
ugly people sure do ruin things
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
