Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
whose parrot is this?
I have feelings that need drinking.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
