im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Randomize
