i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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