I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
