we have pet lesbian snakes
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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