I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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