I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Randomize
