i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
