Your mouth is God's brothel.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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