Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
