haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
