Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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