Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
