oh god the rape fog is back!
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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