It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
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