I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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