I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
