I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
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