My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
