You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
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