You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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