I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
My liver just had a heart attack.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
