If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
