I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
