I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
