If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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