i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
