Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
