i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
