My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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