Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
