You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
