you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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