I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
