dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
