I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
