Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
