The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Randomize
