all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
