well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
