Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Why are your pants in the freezer?
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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