I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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