i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
