he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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