i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
