I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I'm too high and old for this...
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
