I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Randomize
