she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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