She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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