Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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