Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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