apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
