1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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