thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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