My nipple is on Facebook.
I am midnight drunk by noon
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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