dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
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