i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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