I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
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