Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
