i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Randomize
