Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
