An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
