Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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