you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
