I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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