He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
