Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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