Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
