I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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