Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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