My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
