She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Be still, my beating vagina.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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