I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
