Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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