My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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