i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
