Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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