She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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