I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
